Nitty Gritty

Pandora’s Box has decided to explode in my face, and I have been telling myself that I will be the bigger person and I definitely won’t post anything on my blog. Then I realized there’s two sides to every story, and mine has never been heard so you know what, screw it. For those of you reading that know me personally you know that over the past few months my life has been a mess. Today we’re going to touch on an important aspect of that mess; my ‘friends’.

Everyone has always said, if you want to find out who your true friends are go through a life changing event. Have a kid, get married, move across the country, or just have your significant other decide to join the military and uproot your life. Go through one of those and you’ll find out real quick who is going to stick around. I never believed it until I decided (sarcasm) to go through 3 out of 4, all at once. Let me just say that no, I’m not pregnant. Devon is leaving for the Air Force soon and when he comes back we are moving across the country, location not yet known, all while planning our wedding. I have been nothing but a ball of high stress since this has all been decided. Naturally one would assume that their friends would be supportive and by their side. Unless of course your friends decide that they are incapable of being empathetic about something that doesn’t directly effect them. That was my brutal wake up call.

Call me crazy but I do believe in following through. What I mean is, if you mention an event to someone and imply they will be invited when details are worked out, you invite them. Don’t go behind their back and invite known mutual friends and keep it a secret. It’s rude. If you don’t want someone to go then don’t mention it, because then you just look like an asshole. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a high maintenance friend. Ask my best friends they’ll tell you how often we talk and see each other, it’s not frequent at all. I don’t always need to hangout or text someone for constant validation of our friendship. But don’t mention something to me and then never actually invite me, who even does that? Fun suckers, (later explained) that’s who.

My best friends are reliable and always have been. We know that if either of us were to need one another we would be there, no questions asked. So to me, with everything I have going on I was expecting certain people to be there, to be supportive, ask me what I need, because as a best friend that is what you do. Your friend is stressed you don’t sit, watch and wait for it to blow over. You get up, you take the initiative, you walk up to them and you ask them, “What do you need?” and if it’s reasonable you do it, get it, take it, whatever it is. You do it. Not because you feel like you have to but because you want to, because you love your friend and you hate when they are stressed or upset and you know they would do it for you in return, without a doubt. Yet here I was watching Pandora’s box blow up in my face and some of my friends were no where to be found. They could not have been bothered to check in on me, ask me how I’m doing and what I needed but yet I felt expected to show up when asked because if I didn’t then I was deemed to be selfish, self-centered, snobby, one-sided, etc. (Unless I wasn’t formally invited, cue winky face.) So then not only was I stressed because I felt as though my life was falling apart, with a known happy ending (the wedding) but I also felt as though some of the people who considered themselves to be my friends didn’t care. And I was made to feel as though I was in the wrong for being upset about that. I tried for months to continue to be supportive of these friends and their life events but as it got closer and closer to me needing to narrow down who I wanted in my wedding party I began to realize how I honestly didn’t want these people associated with it. I didn’t want them in my wedding pictures if they weren’t going to emotionally be here for me. I didn’t want them to only show up for the fun stuff without putting in all of the work, aka the fun suckers. I could not and did not see how that could be considered fair, when I felt so forced to drop everything for these friends. And I honestly realized that I just no longer gave a fuck. So I cut ties with these friends and I finally picked my damn wedding party, with a few kinks to work out.

So the truth is, I’m not that sorry to see it end. My life is changing an immense amount and I need all of the support and positive energy I can get and with these people it just wasn’t happening. A piece of advice for all of you out there planning your wedding, you’re always going to have one more friend you want to squeeze into your wedding party, and trust me you’ll find a way, don’t drive yourself crazy over it. Your true friends will understand if you can’t call them a bridesmaid for whatever reason, it doesn’t mean they aren’t loved. The fun sucker friends (referenced above) will be the ones that will make you feel like you are going insane while you are picking your wedding party. Even if you aren’t planning a wedding, if you’re experiencing a shitty friend during a life changing event and all they do is make you feel bad about yourself, kick them to the curb. Love yourself and know that your true friends have your back. You’ve got this. I’m a fuckin’ warrior and so are you.

Keep your true friends close and keep kicking ass.

Happy planning!




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